NauseousBeauty's Xanga

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 03:33:30 GMT

My wisdom teeth were removed yesterday; I was scared as hell until they gave me the IV, then I was out for an hour. (It felt like minutes) I was prescibed hydrocodone for pain, but have only been taking it minimally of course; saving up for some big doses in the future . In the beginning, when I didn't take it, I was crying in pain, so needless to say I couldn't save all the pills. Another shitty part about wisdom teeth is that I bled enough blood to fill the Kool-aid man...yes that is blood in him...childrens blood. Oh, and my cheeks are balloon sized, so I can fly...which according to tyler makes me dumbo.

I was going to rant about how are brains are quite contradicting but my mood lightened up.

30 days is a great show, you should see it! When I say you, I mean what I say, thats what i mean! I also saw Big Trouble which was a really, really good movie. Oh, and see Supersize Me too!!!!!1111one

The kitties are playing hide and go seek...silly kitties...I love kitties. (many of you know the tone of voice i use when I refer to the kitties). Kitty!

Fuck myspace, xanga is better!!

PS: just kidding lauren

PSS: actually I wasnt kidding, i really do like xanga better

PSSS: that doesn't mean you have to get mad lauren

PSSSS: Lauren! It's just my opinion!

PSSSSS: im going to make a pyramid with psss

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Fuck yea

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Tue, 17 May 2005 00:28:22 GMT

Date: Friday, May 6
Substances: Marijuana & Psilocybe cubensis; 3 medium caps, 4 small
Setting: In my house

My friend brought up the idea of shrooming early in the day and I was contemplating it all through school. It had been raining off and on for the last couple of days and it was bright & sunny now; we decided to go. We drove off to the field with high hopes but didn't have much luck for awhile. We would find a small patch here and there but it took us an hour to find enough to provide each of us a trip. We were both starving, and decided that we had enough shrooms so he dropped me off back at my house. (My friend is actually grounded so I couldn't share this trip with him.) I decided on doing the shrooms that night and was extremely excited since I hadn't done shrooms in over a year. I asked my mom her plans for the night and discovered that she would be gone for the next 4 hours. (That's always a beautiful thing to hear.) Once she left, I went to work preparing the tea and quickly drank it.

I felt the onset in a hurry and a slight amount of nausea to go along with it. I decided on some bud to clear out the nausea and as I prepared a bowl, I noticed the floor and walls getting wavy. Smoking really eased me into the experience and made the beginning quite peaceful. For the next hour or so, I remember wandering around my house, staring at anything and everything because all colors seemed so miraculous. It was like seeing colors for the first time. I enjoyed how everything warped, shifted, and waved and I wanted to reach out and touch the waves. There were no patterns that I can recall.

The next thing I know, the doorbell rings. I, of course am startled as hell but am very curious to see who is at the door. I go galloping full speed to the door and peer out the window; friends! I opened the door to welcome them but my friend F's speed talking overwhelms me. He mentioned something about borrowing my car to get cigarettes from the store. I grab the keys without thinking and hand them over; he then asks me to come along. I hop in the back-seat and we pull away. I don't quite remember when it happened, but I started getting extremely paranoid and the only thing I was thinking of is getting home before my mother did. I nagged F until he finally took me home to my empty house. I really wanted to be alone again and decided it would be best if they left.

The relief of lonesome was glorious, and then next thing on my list of things to do was watch a movie. "I Heart Huckabees" was sitting out, and I had never seen it. I popped it in and began quite an exciting journey. For those of you who have not seen "I Heart Huckabees", WATCH IT!! This movie is incredible and quite a mindfull, even when you are sober I'm told. The movie sent me on an introspective quest, where I feel that I gained more enlightenment than any other drug-induced or sober experience in my past. The following is what I wrote down the next day, concluding what I learned:

"There are 3 levels of existence and humans are stuck in the middle. The first level would be animals other than humans. They don't have the brain power to question existence and for that they are blessed. They can go through life with there basic needs of food, water, and sleep and be perfectly happy. Humans are the next level up, we continually question our purpose in life (like we really need one) and we all must know what happens when we die & why everything works the way it does. Fighting over beliefs will probably be the cause of our extinction. The final, third level of existence, I believe is attained when you die or at certain instances in your life where you feel no other need than to simply be. This can be attained through drugs but you are always sucked back in by stupid human concerns when the high or trip ends. I suppose this third level has been attained permanently by some who have been "enlightened" (thinking from a religious viewpoint) such as the Dalai Lama. I think that all creatures obtain this third state (that I like to call oneness) when they die; they are finally shut off and can now become a part of the earth. As for the existence theory, I don't think the infinity theory is correct, but I put my faith in the "blanket" theory (if you have seen "I Heart Huckabees"). It sort of states that we are all connected as one, all life, inanimate objects, stars, molecules etc. When you squeeze your fist really hard, you can feel that oneness with the air and all that is around you by the wrapping of that energy around and around into that one central point. (That was quite a discovery for me while tripping ) Falling in love is a great way of numbing yourself and probably the best way to get through life though it can bring out many ugly human emotions if something goes wrong. I find myself questioning "why do I need to think like that", "why must I do this", and "why do I need to feel these emotions"...but it's all rather simple; we are all so extremely influenced and brainwashed since birth to think the way we do, to feel the need to stay healthy and live as long as possible, to feel the need to experience certain emotions from certain things. In the end, I realize that I will just go back to sleep in my fake wonderland and wake up and be a zombie, acting how I have been taught to act and experiencing what I'm told to experience. It's all kind of pathetic but that's how it goes...you just have to make the best of it."

I believe these thoughts were brought on by more than "I Heart Huckabees". I also currently read a book entitled "Feed" by M.T. Anderson that I STRONGLY recommend to all. I still find myself questioning "why" much more than usual and it's something I really thank these mushrooms for: giving me a completely different viewpoint towards existence. I have had psychedelic experiences before but have never gained such a wisdom from them. Mushrooms are my new favorite substance and I strongly recommend their usage.

Peace to all and Happy Tripping

"Life is like walking from one side of infinite darkness to another, on a bridge of dreams."

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Tue, 10 May 2005 01:26:47 GMT

Some quotes from "Fahrenheit 451"; it was a really good book. (I was too lazy to type them out)

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Saturday, April 02, 2005

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 05:34:49 GMT

Tragically, Mitch Hedberg passed away on March 30, 2005. Mitch was a beloved member of the Comedy Central family, and we join with his fans in our sadness. He will be missed.

Born and raised in the St. Paul area, Mitch Hedberg decided to start his own comedy career in South Florida. Not so much for the comedy scene, but for the sun. His landlord would drive him up and down the coast from club to club in his pick-up truck where Mitch would lie down in the back to avoid any of the negative conversations his landlord would try to have with him.

Mitch developed his style in Florida and decided to try it out on different audiences. He moved to Seattle and toured throughout the Pacific Northwest honing his act in front of the new audiences. While in Los Angeles, Mitch booked his first television appearance on MTV's "Comikaze" by walking into the MTV offices and personally pitching himself to the talent coordinator. Many cable shows followed including A&E's "Comedy on the Road," Comedy Central's "Comedy Product," and NBC's "Comedy Showcase" hosted by Louie Anderson.

In 1996, Mitch got his break with an invitation to perform at the prestigious Just for Laughs Montreal International Comedy Festival. His performances secured him a deal with a studio and a spot on "The Late Show with David Letterman." Letterman enjoyed the set so much that he actually quoted one of Mitch's bits later in the show.

Mitch's stand-out performances on the Letterman show (on which he appeared 10 times) and at comedy festivals secured a development deal with FOX to create his own sitcom and prompted TIME magazine to proclaim him "the next Seinfeld" and The Hollywood Reporter to headline their review of the Festival, "Laughs are Loudest for Hedberg."

Mitch also released two popular comedy CDs, "Strategic Grill Locations" and "Mitch All Together," and he wrote and directed a film, "Las Enchiladas!" which had its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival.

Known for his dry, observational wit and low-key style, Mitch Hedberg was a master of turning everyday details into brilliant one-liners:

"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others."

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out."

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

While he was frequently compared to the comedian Stephen Wright, Mitch's style was indelibly unique and never could be imitated. He was truly one of a kind.

Unlike many comics who shy away from their fans' attention, Mitch welcomed it. His official website encouraged fans to send in pictures of themselves posing with Mitch at his shows. One published anecdote tells of Mitch meeting a group of college students at a recent show in Florida who mentioned the stifling heat of their dorm room. Mitch knocked on their door the next morning with a brand-new air conditioner.

Mitch Hedberg was popular among his peers and had many friends in the comedy community. The Minneapolis Star-Tribune quoted close friend and comedian Doug Stanhope of The Man Show as saying "He was the greatest comedian ever."

Mitch passed away in March, 2005 at the age of 37.

RIPRIP

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 00:50:39 GMT

There's a snake in my boots! Hoohoho, just kidding! My dinner tonight will probably leave me with a sugar overdose since it consisted of candy, browny batter, more candy, then brownies. Needless to say my valentines day was lovely. A singing telegram was sent to my 4th period class as I sat half awake staring at the newspaper and I was sung "Aint no mountain highhh enough, aint no....". Thats all I remember, hopefully you can fill in the rest. I later found out it was sent by my good pal nick despite the singers telling me it was from "love kitten".

Recently I have been riding in a car lost in St. Petersburg, trying to arrange a day trip, and puking. Actually that last one was only Thursday when I went home from school during 1st period quite ill.

I'm seeing Wilco on Wednesday! I've been looking forward to that for awhile.

Hmmm...I need more candy.

Here is something I wrote last Wednesday but never got around to posting. I was listening to Boards of Canada and got rather creative:

"We didn't need perfection, we hardly had to think for ourselves." Through this black hole of perfection lays a society monitored for all to live happily. My visit to this society was a large mistake and what I saw came off as horrific to my eyes. About 30 feet above the ground were hovering orbs of an indistinguishable color. They were spaced about 10 feet apart from each other in all directions. I quickly realized there was no color on this planet. Things appeared gray for the most part but different...everything had a sort of strobe effect on my brain. I later learned that these colors weren't perceivable by my species...lighter than white and darker than black. The orbs in the sky were apparently some sort of surveillance of which I never learned the exact details of, but I saw numerous "beings" levitate off the earth at what seemed to be the will of the orbs. I thought this was a planet of robots at first but soon realized it was anything but; these were all identical beings with twice the brain capacity of humans. They were harvested under the planets crust and taught nothing but being happy and staying orderly. I couldn't understand how this race was happy but it began to make more sense to me. When your taught that being happy is staring at a wall, then that could be the most euphoric experience imaginable. If things keep progressing in a society to try and please people to a greater extent than before, we will never be truly happy. To be happy, you must be at a simplistic state, blocking out the "updates" of new and exciting methods of pleasure, be happy that you exist at all, be happy that you have nature to be apart of.

The planet described in the beginning is not what I want, you would be too used to the same happiness and people would rebel. The strive for happiness is what I want; when you wait for something, it is always so much better. I will strive for this happiness at simply "being" so that when it comes, it will be the most joyous event of my life.

No, I wasn't tripping, I was just really deep into a trance while listening to Boards of Canada and decided to start writing.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a candy filled day.

Happy Cycling!

Monday, January 24, 2005

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 01:13:48 GMT

What I know is that you need the ones you love.

Hallucinogens are special, they ARE the drugs that have meaning, they won't have you addicted, they need moderation and when the moderation is followed it is WORTH IT. It's much like life in that waiting for anything makes that thing so much better.

I will follow planning next time.

I can percieve why all of these gods have been created over time, a hallucinogenic drug could easily provide a naive peasant with the power of spreading the "word". It saddens me that people can't come to grip with this. Tripping doesnt bring you closer to a god, it opens up parts of your mind that wern't open before.

You see the beauty in things but are just as aware of the evil.

Pleasant thought: what if the 60's had lasted...what if LSD and other hallucinogens spread to the leaders of that time? Where would we be now? Oh well, no use dreaming.

I can't put my finger on it but there is some kind of energy in everything...just not so holy...I guess time will provide me with answers.

Peace and love

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 03:24:42 GMT

Well, I must say my Christmas was a superb beauty-bath of joy. I recieved my 8-track recording/mixing/Ihavenoideawhatthefucktocallthis THING. There happen to be more knobs and buttons on this recorder than stars in the sky; but don't worry it’s easily summed up by a 200-page manual. My uncle who knows everything about musical equipment is visiting in about a week and he promised to help me out. As for the cd’s I asked for, I got a few of them, only a few because my dad happened to think Infected Mushroom cd’s (which are imported from Israel) would be found at our local music shop. It doesn’t matter though, I used some online gift cards and ordered some of the CDs I didn’t get.

CDs I recieved or will be recieving via mail (if anyone honestly cares)--

Pavement- Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain: LA’s Desert Origins

Nirvana- With the Lights Out (you know, the big box set thing)

Sunny Day Real Estate- The Rising Tide

Gorillaz- Gorillaz

Sage Francis- Personal Journals

SO, for some odd reason, I was inspired to skateboard again by the DVD that came with the Nirvana box set. In conclusion, my ankle is dead. (I think it’s sprained).

It’s hard to believe that Christmas has just come and passed, and I probably wouldn’t be too extatic about the time flying, BUT, the faster the time goes, the faster probation is complete. Yahoo time!

Hit the plane down! (DONT WORRY, its a mental plane!)

Hmm, somethings missing...Kava? Velerian? Honeysuckle? No, there all present. (to relieve my creative pain! (((((((((((of my foot?)))))))))) BOTH!

My Xanga needs some perking up!

FAREWELL

Friday, December 24, 2004

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:48:47 GMT

Salutations!

Christmas is upon us and at first, I wasn’t feelin the spirit; but it danced into my heart via the eyeballs once The Grinch came on tv during the annual wrapping of gifts.<---That was a long sentance. So I made cookies to become obese with joy! They were tasteful to the highest extent and so was the all the dough I ate beforehand.

I watched 40 Days and 40 Nights and give it a 7.5 out of 10.

Sitting around playing video games is well welcomed on this "holiday"(christmahaunikwanzika) break. And cookies! And gift anticipation! And sleep! And family! And garlic bread! And twiiins! But not old folks homes. (allow me to explain)- My grandma is in town to check out where she will be moving soon (and to spread Christmas cheer of course). She is moving into a retirment community in Sun City actually; it’s not such a hospital environment as those stinky retirment homes. Anyway, I was with my mom to go pick my Grandma up after she spent the night there, and as we pulled into the parking lot, I witnessed three paremedics running into an apartment with a stretcher. I waited in the car as my mom got my Grandma and after about 10 minutes, a priest walked into the same apartment as the paremedics. Luckily, my mom came back with my grandma before I could witness anything else. It really bothered me, that someone could be dying in the building next to me as I carelessly listened to coldplay on my headphones.

FORGET THE SADNESS ABOVE! It’s about to be Christmas, get happy. Eat some cookies and listen to Jack Johnson.

Peacefully,

Edgar Allen Poe

Monday, December 13, 2004

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 00:13:06 GMT

Convenience has been taken too far in today’s culture. It rears it’s ugly head in many of our everyday activities and arts. Music is a prime example; look at what is on the most popular radio stations, it gets simpler and simpler by the second. There are bands where the lead singer screams in a mostly monotone voice the entire song and have loud, simple guitar riffs that are often too drowned out by the screaming and distortion to comprehend. There are rap artists that have absolutely no musical talent other than their ability to quickly rhyme their usually degrading lyrics. (Actually many rappers don’t even rap quickly). These rap artists have such a bad vocabulary that they commonly make up their own words for the song. Go illiteracy! Woohoo! There are adults in their 20’s still making pop songs that whine about silly high school problems. (They often call these songs "punk" or "pop-punk" just because there is a 3 chord guitar riff repeated in the background.) It is obvious that people appreciate this simplicity, but why? Is it laziness and the lack of desire to practice enough for true talent? It sure seems to be. Look at music as it goes back in time; where is our Jimmi Hendrix of this day and age? Where is our Mozart? Not to say every bit of music that is created in this day and age is simple; but nearly everything currently popular is simple. Classical music is incredible; it takes a genius to come up with some of those pieces of music. So why has classical music died out to the extent that it has? Apparently complexity just can’t be appreciated by this generation.

Religion is a more traditional convenience. People can feel comfortable believing that if they behave, they go to a place of infinite beauty when they die. Sure, this would be great, but there is absolutely no proof that such a place exists other than a 2,000 year old book that nobody truly knows who wrote. It is obvious that people are just scared of the unknown. They go so far as to fight over their religious beliefs which ends up defeating the proclaimed purpose of many religions: to be at peace. It is understandably hard to give up a religion if your parents have forced it upon you throughout your entire life, but looking at it in any logical sense should begin a change. I guess logic just doesn’t overrule convenience.

War and fighting are also easy ways out of things in my opinion, though they solve nothing. I hear about it all the time at school: kids fighting over a petty insult. They seem to feel proud that they were in a fight when they cease to realize how pathetic they are that their vocabulary wouldn’t allow them to peacefully solve the situation. The same sort of thing goes for the war we are currently in. We are attacked by a small terrorist group and since we have such a powerful military, we feel the need to kill of thousands of innocent citizens that reside in the country where the terrorist group is said to be located. If our military wasn’t so strong, would we have attacked Iraq? No, we would try to solve the problem peacefully, but apparently having a powerful force overrides peaceful solutions. Maybe it’s just "easier" to start the killing.

The simplicity of today’s culture goes much deeper than this, but why discuss it all? The downward spiral of convenience doesn’t look like it’s going to reverse anytime soon.

Anyway, I am quitting my job at the car wash and I believe I just got a job at Trio’s Pizza. It should be a much more pleasant atmosphere. Winter has arrived, and the weather is beautiful. I went into the woods today and meditated for about 45 minutes and it felt so nice out there. So much nostalgia recently...

You Know You're a Pothead When...

You think the song "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem.

Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle.

Your bong is taller than your dog.

It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint.

You set your wedding date for 4/20.

You take off April 20th every year and treat it as a holiday.

You spent your last bit of money to score some herbs and don't have enough gas money to get home but you don't care.

You start every sentence with - uhhh!.

You intentionally roll seeds in your joints on independence day so you can hear the popping because you don't have money to buy fireworks.

You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 times a week.

You wear sunglasses at night, and see better.

You go to the corner store and the clerk automatically tosses a pack of rolling papers on the counter.

Your pot tray is fuller than your refrigerator.

Your bong gets washed more than your dishes.

You sell your car for gas money

You are the only tobacco smoker in the room and you look at the cigarette in the ashtray and ask, "Is that my cigarette?"

You're eating something on your way home thinking about what you're gonna eat when you get home!

Every cylinderical object you see, turns into plans on a new smoking device....

Just to be religous, you observe 4:20 in every time zone.

Someone has ever come up to you on the street and said "Hi" and you said "Yep."

You thought the ebola virus was a type of weed.

You think being stoned to death would be a damn good way to go out.

You have ever smoked pot before 8 o'clock in the morning.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other pothead friends.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 00:39:29 GMT

...so then I said to the dog: "Those arn't shoes, they're needles!" Anyhow, I was trying to comprehend the creation of the universe during web design and I really don't think the human mind was made to think about such things. I guess I can understand why people just choose to believe a great god created everything in an instant; it really is easier on the brain. The Adam and Eve theory just doesn't make sense to me, though I am not a firm believer in the big bang. I really have no idea and probably never will know how the universe began but it sure is a mind-boggler. It had to start somewhere right? Or was it always there? Trying to imagine "nothing" is threatning an anurysm, yet I have been trying to conceive it as long as I can remember. For some reason, I still have distinct memories of trying to fall asleep at night when I was a wee lad of 8 or 9 and trying to think of what "nothing" would look like. At that time, I came to the conclusion that "nothing" is just clear in every direction which I realize now is still something after all. Oh well, enough goose talk.

The song on my background is currently Gorillaz- Tommorow Comes Today. One instrument in the song makes me feel oh-so-nostalgic (thanks for the word helga ). I believe it is a harmonica screwed around with electronically; you can probably pick it out. The nostalgia isn't necassarily a good feeling in this case, but just a wierd feeling of memory; sort of a flashback to my state of mind as a child. I really love that song.

All apologies to those I have ceased to call...I have done nothing recently but homework, sleep, and eat. (no spencer I don't have time to breath). I guess my apology is really only going out to Helga since I just told Spencer over the phone and I don't really talk to anyone else. Sorry Helga!

I think one of my life goals is to witness the Aurora Borealis in person. Jesus that is beautiful. (One of these days I will compile a list of each of my life goals, but not tonight.) Here is the website I got that picture at the top from (there are a bunch of aurora borealis pictures): http://www.nightskyevents.com/

I made a box!